Decision Making and Regret

- Notes on regretting the outcome of decisions

You can only escape making tough decisions for so long. At some point, most human beings have to make a life-changing decision. At a really young age, some people have to decide who they want to live with because their parents are separating. And some others get to wait until they are done with high school – the decisions about which university to go to and what career path to pursue. 

There are so many steps involved in making decisions. You have to completely assess the situation and examine your options and their pros and cons. You also need a clear picture of your goals to make the choice that will best help you achieve them. 

It's even trickier for decisions that affect you in the long run. You have to consider a lot more and imagine a variety of scenarios. Something like deciding whether or not to change your career or have a child would fit in this category. 

But here's the problem; many times, people regret their decisions because they do not like the outcome, even after all the thought they put into it. The regret comes in pangs over and over again. 

You're just sipping your coffee in the morning, preparing to do everything on your to-do list. Suddenly, you remember the way you handled some situation three years ago. And then, it changes your mood. That's regret. 

Some decisions affect your life so profoundly that you regret them every day. Of course, this kind of regret is much more common with older people, but it exists. Life is full of regrets, and the crux of this piece is regret's pointlessness. But we'll look at some other relevant things before we get there!

How Often Do We Actually Regret Decisions?  

You put a lot of thought into making decisions, I know. Most of us can't help it. We consider many variables and possible outcomes. A survey by the Nintendo game, Puzzler Mind Gym 3D, examined 2,000 people and concluded that humans make 27 decisions daily. And for each of these decisions, we consider all the variables for nine minutes.

Now, to the part about regret… 

The same study found that on average, we make around 773,618 decisions in our lifetime. And out of this number, guess how many decisions we regret? 143,262. That's about 19 percent. 

So, nine minutes for each decision - about four hours of deliberation every day. And after all of it, circumstances beyond our control still make us hate some of our choices. 

Dealing With Regret

Honestly, for the most part, regret is unavoidable. It creeps up on you randomly when you're not even thinking about it. And it comes in the form of flashbacks. If your life was a movie, you'd relive that point in monochrome colours. 

Nonetheless, you can control the feeling. One way to do that is to ensure you consider all the possible outcomes and variables before making a decision. You can then rely on this to soften the blow if regret hits. 

How so?

Well, if you are sure you tried your best to make the right decision, it means that a bad outcome is no longer your fault. Or at least, a bad outcome is caused by something you have no control over. You did your best. 

Following this premise, here are some ideas that may help you regret less. 

Predetermined Processes

In 2022, a study was conducted to see if humans make decisions rationally or emotionally. After examining 188 people, the study concluded that people were more rational for work and career-related decisions. But for sentimental choices, such as those relating to love and family, people were more intuitive – they simply made decisions based on how they felt. 

This suggests that how we make decisions is predetermined. It means you probably would never have made the decision any other way, regardless of how much thought you put into it. 

In fact, faster decision-making processes have been linked to better outcomes. It just looks like because of how we are wired, we make decisions a certain way. And even though intensive thought is important, it does not change much.

So, why regret when you could not have had it any other way when you made the decision? 

Additionally, the Puzzler Mind 3D study mentioned above suggests that we spend nine minutes on each of the 27 decisions we make daily. And many of these are really simple decisions. How much time and effort do we give more life-changing choices? A lot more, I'd say. Would you say all this deliberation is not enough?

The person you are today is made up of the experiences you have had to go through. This has to count for something. These experiences equip you to make decisions about your life presently. And yeah, I understand some people may not have enough experience to make the right decisions at certain points in their lives, such as children whose parents are getting divorced. Many others don't even think beyond the surface when making decisions.

Going by this logic (predetermined processes), such people should regret their decisions, right? 

Well, that brings us to my second idea about regret. 

It's in the past. 

So you didn't think about everything before making the decision, or you were inexperienced? 

It sounds cliche, but the past is gone. Look towards the future. 

Here's the tricky part though…

The fact that regret is about the past also explains its only importance – learning. When you regret, you remember how past outcomes made you feel, and involuntarily, you learn from your experience. 

You could even consciously think further to learn more and conceive better ways to make a similar decision next time. But after you've learned your lesson, try to move on. Because asides from the fact that it teaches you, regret is pointless.

Conclusion-ish

Thank you for reading till the end! Please, let me know what you think in the comments below. Dissenting opinions are also very welcome. Shalom!